Phineas' Father
by Friends for Food
Summary: When Phineas and Ferb run across Phineas' old baby book, they can't help but notice a man that neither of them know.  After receiving a surprise call from the mystery man, it's just one thing after another before mayhem ensues.
1. Oh, Yeah  Stepbrothers

**This was a team effort with Shanar. But it's mostly mine. :) And yes, I know that there are other stories about Phineas' father, but this was an original idea before I knew that other people thought of it! I promise!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1: Oh, Yeah. Stepbrothers.**

Phineas and Ferb sat in the grass, encircled with blueprints. "This is gonna be awesome!" Phineas patted Ferb on the back. "I'll call Isabella and have her bring the fireside girls. We'll need the help!"

Ferb sat and organized the blueprints according to size while Phineas pulled out his phone. He dialed Isabella's number. It rang for a moment, and then Isabella's voicemail took the liberty of answering. "Hey, this is Isabella. Sorry, I'm probably busy right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you!"

Phineas groaned softly and tried again, but the answering machine didn't seem to care. "…leave a message!" Isabella's voice sang again. "Beep."

"Hi, Isabella. This is Phineas. Call me back when you get this." Phineas closed the phone. "No answer, Ferb."

Ferb shrugged.

Phineas put his hands in his pockets. "Want to save this for another day?"

Ferb gathered up the blueprints and folded them neatly into tiny squares, and dropped them into a shoebox. He put it under his arm and went inside close behind Phineas.

"What should we do today?" Phineas said as he flopped onto the couch.

Ferb sat beside his brother and noticed a copy of _Macbeth _sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up and began to read.

Phineas wanted to let Ferb enjoy his story (and it's also very hard to recapture Ferb's attention once he starts reading), so he went to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. He had never really looked through these books. He was always outside. _Moby Dick, The Odyssey, Team of Rivals, Great Expectations…_ These weren't really the kind of books that would hold Phineas' attention for long right now. He ran his fingers across the spines of each row of books trying to find something to read. After a few more moments, one book caught his attention.

The book stuck out of the shelf about a half and inch, and had no title on the side. "Hm." Phineas pulled out the book.

It was more of a plastic binder than a book. He turned over the curious book, and saw a simple title in baby blue, paper letters: _Phineas' Baby Book. _

Baby book, huh? This could be interesting. Phineas hopped back onto the couch and opened the cover. A copy of his birth certificate sat in a plastic protector. He turned the page. _I know all that stuff. _He thought sarcastically. The next page surprised him, though.

"Ferb!" Phineas gasped. Ferb slowly looked away from his book and looked at the page Phineas was pointing to. There, in another plastic protector, was a glossy photo of a baby Phineas in a little hospital crib and, next to him, a man neither of the boys had seen before. He had a triangular head and big blue eyes like Phineas, and thick, slightly curled blond hair and a short, blond beard. Underneath the picture, written in Linda's handwriting, was a small caption written in blue pen: "_Wilson and Phineas, Day 1"._

"Who's that guy?" Phineas said. "He looks sort of like… me! Wait a second!"

Phineas and Ferb ran into the kitchen with the baby book. Linda stood at the counter cutting vegetables. "Mom! Mom!"

"Yes, Honey?" Mom turned away from her work to look at Phineas. The boys looked a bit dismayed. "What's wrong?"

"Mom, who's this?" Phineas said, pointing to the mystery man in the picture.

Linda hesitated. "Uh… Phineas, that's y-" Suddenly the phone began ringing with a high-pitched twittering noise. "Sorry, sweetie. Hang on just a sec." She walked over to the phone and put it to her ear. "Hello? … Yes, this is Linda Flynn. Who is this? … _Wilson?"_

"Mom?" Phineas slapped his hands on the top of his head. Phineas was having suspicions about who this mysterious person was, but now he was calling his Mom! Although the boys could only hear one side of the conversation, they could tell there was irony in the house. And who was this "Wilson" guy? Why was he suddenly appearing so much?

"What a coincidence! Phineas was just- … Phineas and Candace are doing fine, why do you ask? … Oh, I don't know… The whole weekend? What brought this about?"

"Mom, what's-" Phineas began.

"Hold on just a second, Phineas. Sorry, about that. Well, Candace is at Stacey's for the weekend. I'm sure Phineas… Okay. That will work. I'll drop him off tomorrow morning. … Okay, goodbye."

"Mom?" Phineas dropped his hands back down to his sides.

"Phineas, Wilson is your biological father."

Phineas and Ferb exchanged glances. "Okay." Phineas said. "That was… frank."

Mom knelt down and looked at the boys. She put a hand on one of each of their shoulders. "Phineas, you're going to visit your father this weekend."

"Are we visiting for dinner?" Phineas said.

"No, Phineas. You're spending the next three days at his house. Starting tomorrow morning."

Surprisingly, Ferb was the one to make the next comment. _"What?"_

Phineas stuttered.

"Why don't you pack your things, Phineas?" Mom said with a faint smile.

"Is Ferb coming?" Phineas put his arm around his brother.

"I'm afraid not."

Ferb put his hand on Phineas' shoulder, and the boys stood in a one-armed embrace. Phineas looked at his shoes. "Oh."

"It will be a good experience for you. You'll get to meet your father, Phineas, and… maybe spending some time away from each other will…"

Phineas and Ferb squeezed closer together.

"…be good… for you?" Mom finished hesitantly.

"It's just… Dad is the only "dad" I've ever really known! You know, Ferb's dad, my dad! I've just never really thought of anyone else being my dad. I know Dad is my… _stepdad, _but…" Phineas' voice trailed off. "It's like my real dad is my fake dad, and Ferb's dad is my dad, but fake dad is my dad!"

"There was never really a "his dad" and "my dad". It was like, "_our_ dad," Ferb said in a soft voice.

"If you start missing Ferb, or Dad, you can call. Okay, Phineas?"

Phineas nodded along with Ferb. They walked out of the room like they were in a funeral procession, still locked together.

The boys walked up the stairs together into their room. Phineas pulled a gym bag out of the closet. "Packing," He said flatly. Ferb sat down on the floor between their beds. Phineas wordlessly pulled out three pairs of blue shorts and three orange striped t-shirts and stuffed them in the bag.


	2. My Name's Not Sport

**Chapter 2: My Name's Not Sport**

**T**he next morning, Phineas and Ferb sat together in the back seat of the Station Wagon, driving down an unfamiliar street into an unfamiliar past. Where, apparently, Phineas and Ferb were _step_brothers. Not related, just… in the same family. Deep down, they knew it was true, but the thought seemed alien.

Mom stopped the car in front of Wilson's house. "Here it is."

Phineas and Ferb peeked cautiously out the window of the car. The house was pleasant-looking enough. It was made of red brick, had a red front door, and had charming blue curtains inside the front window. It wasn't very big, and there was a small path lined with little yellow flowers leading up to the porch. A sprinkler was going in the center of a green lawn, gently swooping back and forth.

Phineas and Ferb exchanged nervous glances. The place was nice, but the first thought that came to their minds was "jail".

Phineas grabbed his bag and stepped out of the car with a sense of impending doom. The red front door opened up, and into the sunshine stepped Wilson. Phineas briefly considered scrambling back into the seat next to Ferb as he swallowed a scream. He looked back at Ferb, knowing that he would be facing this journey alone. Never before had he wished so much that Candace was there! Even though she was always trying to bust the boys, Phineas loved his big sister. His _biological_ sister. The simple phrase was very reassuring, in an odd way.

"Hey there, Sport!"

_Sport? _No one ever called Phineas anything but "Phineas". Occasionally someone would call him "Phin", and Buford called him "Dinnerbell". And "Pointy". But not all the time.

"Well, come here!" Wilson got down on his knees and opened up his arms.

Phineas pulled his bag into a tight hug in shock. _What? I don't even know you, for goodness sake!_

Wilson seemed oblivious to the fact that it was uncomfortable and awkward for Phineas. He walked down the path and pulled Phineas into a tight embrace. Phineas noticed over Wilson's shoulder that the Station Wagon began pulling away. Ferb rolled down the window and waved. Phineas pulled him arm free and waved back.

Wilson let Phineas go and began to walk down the path back up to the house. "Come on in, Sport." He turned around and saw Phineas standing in the middle of the street, still waving.

He walked over and put his hand on his shoulder. "Come on," he said.

He led Phineas to the door and led him inside.

Phineas' expression was so flat that he looked like he was blind. "Are you okay, Sport?"

Phineas kept staring off into space. "Hm." He meant to say "yes" but he couldn't open his mouth.

"Your mom didn't say anything about you having a mental disorder."

That brought Phineas out of his trance in a hurry. "Just kidding!" Wilson slapped him on the back and laughed.

Phineas feigned laughter. "Heh, heh. Good one."

"You know, Sport? You're okay."

Phineas half-heartedly smiled and gave Wilson a weak thumbs-up.

Wilson patted him on the top of his head (The top of his head is technically his forehead, since his face is a triangle. So he was pretty much smacking his forehead over and over).

Now that Phineas was a little more aware of his surroundings, he notice that the house smelled like French fries and coffee, with a hint of Windex. Had Wilson been cleaning? It seemed a bit unlikely.

A woman walked in from the other room. She was wearing a frilly white blouse and a lavender skirt. Her hair was slightly wavy and came just past her shoulders. "I just finished the bathroom. I didn't go through the cabinet because I thought you might…" she looked quizzically at Phineas. "Who's this, Wilson?"

"Go ahead. Introduce yourself, Sport."

_It's weird that he keeps calling me "Sport". _Phineas tightened his grip on the strap of his bag. Normally, he would have gone right ahead and said, "I'm Phineas, and this is my brother Ferb!" But, Ferb wasn't there. Phineas was trying so hard not to think about Ferb. He wasn't a crier, and he wasn't going to start today!

"I'm starting to think he might not talk, Marion."

"Ah. More a man of action?"

_No, that's Ferb! _Phineas sat down on the ground and wrapped his arms around his bag.

"This is the kid I was telling you about. He's my son!" Wilson said. "Want to tell the nice lady your name, Sport?"

Phineas looked up at Marion. "Well, my name's not Sport."

"I know, Hon," Marion smiled.

"No," Phineas said quietly. _What makes her think she can start calling me something that is reserved for my mom? _"All I want you to call me is Phineas. Just _Phineas._"

Marion sat down next to Phineas. "Okay, 'just Phineas'," she said as she elbowed him playfully. "So, I heard you live on Maple Drive. Is that right?" Marion tried to make conversation.

Phineas nodded. His throat felt tight, and his stomach hurt. He turned to Wilson. "Can I use your phone?"

"Sure, Sport. Did you forget something at home?"

Phineas held out his hand to receive the telephone. "Where am I staying?"

"The guest room down the hall," Wilson replied.

Phineas grabbed his bag and walked into the room and sat on the bed. He dialed the number, and listened to it ring. "Hello?" Mom's voice came through the speaker. He already felt a little better.

"Hey, Mom. Is Ferb there?"

"Yeah. Hang on."

Phineas was glad his Mom hadn't asked what was wrong. He knew she could tell he was upset, but it would be best to just talk to Ferb. Ferb's soft voice came through. "Hello?"

Phineas was so glad to hear Ferb! "Wilson has a girlfriend or something. Her name is Marion. They started asking me all these questions… if it were Mom, she would know it was awkward and wouldn't have bothered to try any more. It's weird. I feel like I'm just staying with strangers, Ferb. Wilson… it just seems like he isn't my dad for real. You know?"

On the other end, Ferb listened intently to his brother.

Phineas went on for a few more minutes, and, feeling much better said, "Okay. I'll probably call you back later."

"Don't get too worried. Don't forget to _carpe diem!_"

"Yeah," Phineas said. "'Bye, Ferb."

**Thanks so much for the reviews I have already! You guys made me so excited! I probably won't be updating it every two hours, but... well, it's finished, I just don't want to post my first 'epic' all at once, ya know? Maybe every two days or something. :) Thanks again for the reviews! I love it so much! :D**


	3. Carpe Diem

**Chapter 3**

Ferb hung up after hearing the click of Phineas hanging up. He wanted to make sure that there wasn't one last thing he wanted to say. Ferb walked across the room to lie down on his bed. He looked up at the ceiling and thought about how weird it was to not have the ever charismatic Phineas around.

Perry entered the room and positioned himself on Ferb's bed right under his arm. Ferb gave Perry a light hug and scratched the top of his head.

Perry chattered. Ferb hoped that Phineas would be okay these next few days. He was sure he'd be fine, and it was nice to know that Ferb was at home if Phineas needed him. But he was still miffed. For one, he was a man of action at there was simply nothing for him to act upon. Although he was very intelligent, he usually _acted _on the ideas of others, and now that Phineas was gone, Ferb was bored. And boredom was something up with which the brothers did not put. Sighing, Ferb went back downstairs and sat on the couch. He opened up his copy of _Macbeth_ and continued reading where he had left off, still thinking of Phineas in the back of his mind.

~Back at Wilson's house~

"Feeling homesick already?"

Wilson's voice, which Phineas now dubbed "husky", entered into the guest bedroom from the now open doorway. Phineas simply looked up tried to give a weak smile. If he didn't start acting somewhat perky, then he was bound to get bored. And boredom was what he considered the bane of all life and creativity.

"Uh, hi. Here's your phone back" he said, handing the cordless phone back to Wilson.

"Thanks, Sport" he said, taking the phone, and then he turned around and exited the room, closing the door behind him. _Well that was abrupt. _Phineas was about to inspect the room further when the door opened up again, and Wilson stepped through.

"Sorry, just putting the phone back. Are you feeling okay?" He said upon entry.

Phineas nodded, and seated himself on the bed. After his chat (well, more like a pouring-out-of-heart-and-soul) with Ferb, he was feeling much better, and his throat didn't feel so tight.

"I'm doing well, how are you?" Phineas added to his nod.

"Well, don't you sound formal? It's almost like you could have been born in England." Marion added from behind Wilson's shoulder. Why did she have to be there all the time, why did she have to bring up a stupid stereotype, and WHY DID SHE HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER REFERENCE TO FERB? Phineas knew this was a simple case of blind irony, but it was the last thing he needed right now. _But,_ he rationalized, _It would be an injustice to Ferb if I got homesick now… after all, carpe diem!_

**Author's note: I know it's short, but chapter four is longer, and it gets more exciting! :) Keep reviewing!**


	4. The Coolest Toaster Ever!

**Sorry the updating is so irregular. If someone sends in a suggestion for how often it should be updated via review, I will do it. :)**

**Chapter 4: The Coolest Toaster Ever**

"Marion and I are going out for dinner, and we need someone to keep an eye on the place. Is that okay, Sport?" _Wait, they're leaving me here? _Phineas thought, alarmed. He had never been home alone before… Well, this technically wasn't home, but it was the same concept. Whenever Linda, Lawrence, and Candace were gone, Phineas was always with Ferb, and (usually) Perry.

"If you get hungry, I think there are still waffles in the freezer. The toaster is broken, but… I'm sure you can microwave them." Wilson said before leaving behind Marion.

Phineas stood in the middle of the living room, completely alone in a house for the first time in his life. Phineas absentmindedly looked to the freezer. _Dinner will be good. _Phineas walked to the freezer and got out a few waffles.

As Wilson had said, the toaster was broken. He had never microwaved freezer waffles before. This would be a new experience. The waffle came out of the microwave puffy, squishy, and soggy. _Blech. _Phineas didn't even dare to take a bite.

"Duh! I'll just fix the toaster!" he said. Phineas climbed up on the high counter to get it. He carried the toaster into the living room. _Tools! Darn, I forgot tools! _He wandered back into the kitchen and opened up the cupboard. Aha! Jackpot! A perfect, yellow tool box sat next to the mixing bowls, full of tools, including any tool that Phineas might need for this little task.

He hefted the toolbox into the other room and set it down next to the toaster. He opened up the side panel and looked inside. _This is going to be simpler than I thought. All I have to do is reconnect this…_ Phineas pulled the heating element back into place. _That was… boring. _Phineas scratched his head. The toaster was fixed, and now he had nothing to do.

After a few minutes of planning, Phineas gathered all the things he needed to make this toaster the coolest toaster ever (no pun intended). He worked intensely with the appliance for a while, trying to squeeze every bit of fun out of each passing moment. The time slipped away faster than he thought, and he was surprised when Wilson and Marion stepped inside, laughing about something.

The couple stopped laughing the instant they saw Phineas with the dismantled toaster.

Phineas continued to sit on his spot on the floor and looked up at them casually, holding a tool in one hand and a piece of the toaster in the other.

Marion and Wilson stared at him incredulously. "Wh- what are you doing, there Sport?" Wilson finally managed to say.

Phineas shrugged with one shoulder. "Fixing the toaster." Marion and Wilson knelt down on the ground on either side of Phineas.

"This isn't part of a toaster," Marion said, picking up what looked like a computer hard drive.

Phineas gently took the piece from her hand and put it in its place. "Now it is!" he said triumphantly. He waited for a response.

Getting none, he picked up the finished toaster and plugged it back in in the kitchen.

Wilson and Marion slowly got up and walked into the kitchen. They watched silently as Phineas walked back to the freezer and pulled out two more waffles.

He climbed back up onto the counter and stuck the waffles in the toaster. He pressed a button and the toaster said in a cool woman's voice, "Waffles. Wait just a moment; your food will be ready shortly."

The bewildered adults stood in the doorway and stared in awe.

Phineas waited. After a few more moments, the toaster started to talk in the same voice as before. "Five, four, three, two, one." The waffles jumped out of the toaster and Phineas snatched them out of the air. "Enjoy," the toaster said sweetly.

Phineas sat at the table and took a bite of one of the waffles. "Mm." He said, wiping the crumbs off his face.

Marion and Wilson continued to stare.

Phineas looked back at them. "What?"

"Are you going to bed soon, Sport?" Wilson said as he walked over to Phineas' side.

"Probably," Phineas said "I'm just gonna finish up in here."

Wilson nodded. "Yeah." Wilson and Marion walked out of the room.

Phineas continued to eat his waffles, which were cooked to perfection. _I did a pretty great job. _He smiled.

**I guess that this chapter wasn't as long as I thought it was. -_- Anyways, it does get better! Probably not 'til chapter six does it start getting really good, but... that'll come soon. :)**


	5. Just Two More Days

**Chapter 5**

Marion left around 10:00, and by that point, Phineas had been in bed for a long time. But he was still awake. It was weird, earlier today, not doing his project with Ferb. It was fun, but not nearly as fun as it would have been to share the experience with his brother. He was supposed to call Ferb back!

Phineas crept out of the guest bedroom into the living room. Wilson sat on the couch, flipping through the channels. He looked up at Phineas. "Hey there, Sport." He said, turning off the TV.

Phineas clasped his hands together behind his back. "Can I use your phone again?" He asked quietly.

"Okay. It's right over there," Wilson gestured to the phone hanging on the opposite wall.

Phineas walked over and picked up the phone. He began to walk back to the guest room, but Wilson walked over to him and stopped him.

He knelt down on the floor in front of Phineas. "Why don't you just stay in here?" he suggested.

Phineas would really rather call Ferb and talk to him alone. He didn't know how to tell Wilson this, though.

Wilson walked Phineas back to the couch and sat him down, taking the seat beside him. Phineas dialed his own cell phone number. He and Ferb sort of shared that cell phone, and he hadn't brought it with him.

A tired Ferb answered the phone. "Hm?"

"Hey, Ferb," Phineas said, hugging his knees with one arm.

Ferb sat silently and waited for Phineas to go on. Phineas looked at Wilson. What was he supposed to say now?

"I really miss you," Phineas said, turning away from Wilson a little. "I fixed up Wilson's toaster today. It turned out really nice."

"That's great," Ferb said with a yawn.

"It was weird building something without you. There were a few times when I actually turned to ask you something but, you know, you weren't th-" Phineas stopped abruptly, remembering his audience of one. "So, yeah."

"I just read all day. It was weird not doing something with you," Ferb said.

"Okay. I gotta go, Ferb," Phineas tightened his grip on the phone. He didn't want to hang up, but it was sort of stressful knowing Wilson was listening.

An understanding Ferb said gently, "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow."

Both boys hung up at the same moment.

Phineas handed the phone to Wilson and walked back to bed. He pulled the covers up to his ears. _Just two more days._

**Poor Phineas. He just misses Ferb, and Wilson is so dumb. T-T He's a jerk. Trust me. You'll think so by chapter... nine or something. XP**

**Sorry, another short one. Really, really short. -_- But chapter six is good, as promised! :D**


	6. How's Your Day, Perry?

**Chapter 6**

Phineas sat straight up in bed just as the clock on the bedside table changed to 7:00. With an ear-to-ear smile he said excitedly, "Ferb, I know what we're g-" Phineas looked to his side and saw a blank wall. He forgot that he wasn't home. Phineas sat still for a moment. He put his head back on the pillow and pulled the covers up over his head. _What's the point of even getting up today?_

Wilson opened up the door. "Morning, Sport!"

"Good morning, Wilson," Phineas sat up again and smiled a small smile.

"Do you want to have breakfast? We can use your fancy toaster."

Phineas got out of bed and followed Wilson into the kitchen.

"How well done would you like your toast?" the cool female voice of the toaster chimed as if on cue.

"Medium rare, if you please." Wilson said, grinning and thinking he was so clever.

Phineas' answer was much more precise (at least, to the toaster it was). "Four." The toaster responded with a whirring noise, as it began to prepare the toast via mechanical arms. "Toast: Cooked to four. Wait just a moment; your food will be ready shortly." The toaster paused in its mechanical actions and calmly stated "404 error; unable to process 'medium rare.'"

Wilson glared at the toaster and crossed his arms. "Four, then."

The toaster went back to work. "Wait just a moment; your food will be ready shortly."

After breakfast, the two went into the living room. Wilson sat on the couch, offering Phineas the seat next to him. "Feel up to going out to do something?"

Phineas nodded. "Okay."

"There's a pretty great amusement park about ten minutes away."

Phineas' eyes lit up. _That could be fun!_

~meanwhile~

Perry crashed through the dry plaster wall, landing in his usual manner in front of a strange looking contraption. Only to be snapped up into a frilly fuchsia umbrella, that, as Perry noticed, was currently inescapable. Suddenly, a harsh coughing noise echoed from a dark corner of the purple-clad room. Perry strained his eyes to see into the shadow, making out a dark shape that was moving towards the ray of lamp-light… oh, it was just Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who seemed to be taking great pains to produce his sound of a thousand gags.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, we meet again!" He said, snapping out of his catastrophic coughing. "Do you like my new signature laugh?" He looked Perry expectantly.

Perry blinked.

"Yeah, I know, it needs some work. And work is something up with which I will not put." Dr. D continued. "And on to my evil monologue which you, of course, wouldn't miss in a million years."

Perry rolled his eyes, still confined to his purple umbrella. Now would be a good time to escape…

"Now, as you could previously hear, my evil laugh is a disaster, and no, I'm not too proud to admit. But it is very embarrassing, because every LOVE MUFFIN convention, we have a diabolical laugher contest… and I come in 177th place every time, and there's only 153 members!" Doofenshmirtz seemed to be very upset about it, because he hadn't mentioned the Tri-State Area the entire time he had been ranting.

By this time, Perry had noticed a very convenient step that was just under Perry's confinement.

"And so," Dr. Doofenshmirtz continued obliviously, "I shall unleash the fury of my _INSANELY CUTE LAUGH INATOR_ upon the ENTIRE CONVENTION!"

Perry stopped, mid plan. Insanely Cute Laugh-inator? He rolled his eyes, and leaned forward, tipping himself, and the umbrella, off of the ledge. Upon connection with the ground, the umbrella couldn't take the impact. It snapped open, platypulting Perry between Doof and his new contraption.

Doofenshmirtz looked taken aback. "That was my great aunt Margie's! Not that I really cared for great aunt Margie… I mean, she pinched my cheeks. Have you ever had your cheeks pinched, Perry the Platypus? Do platypuses even have cheeks?"

Perry didn't know, but he wasn't going to show it. Not that he could anyway, due to his inability to talk.

"Anyhoo, you've got this all wrong."

Perry jumped up on the strange looking inator, searching for the tell-tale self-destruct button. He just loved those things.

"Now, now Perry," Dr. D continued, "I'm not doing anything bad, really."

Perry shot the evil scientist a sideways glance that said "I doubt it" as clear as any verbalization.

"No, I'm hindering my fellow diabolical geniuses. Wouldn't it be easier for you to help me, and hinder 152 scientists, instead of just me? I mean, I'm pretty important but, maybe 152 others would make up for it…"

Perry jumped down from the Inator, landing on one of Dr. Doofensmirtz's side tables. Dr. D had got himself a deal.


	7. Rollercoasters!

**Chapter 7**

Wilson pulled into a parking space in his sports car, Phineas in the back seat. Phineas looked out the window to behold the giant sign. Flashy green, orange, red, and blue lit up the mid-morning sky. Letters at least six feet tall read, "Zeus' Monkey Bars: Amusement Park".

When they stepped outside, Phineas couldn't help but gape. Twisting towers of (based on the rider's screams) terrifying turns loomed in the air, flaunting their flashing, multicolored spires to the sun. "Well, Sport?" Wilson looked at Phineas, putting his hand on his shoulder. Phineas looked up at Wilson and gave a contented smile. These weren't _the_ Coolest Coasters Ever, but they would be fun. Not like the lame one at the state fair. He let Wilson guide him to the ticket booth, with great expectations of what the park would deliver.

Within the theme park, Phineas was not disappointed. There were booths with games and prizes, and overly priced hotdog and lemonade stands. But of course, even as he ate his fruity ice cream pebbles, his eyes were all for the roller coasters.

Wilson led Phineas to a formidable-looking roller coaster. Pointed red letters gave this ride the title, "Gladiator". _The Gladiators were Roman, not Greek, _Phineas thought indignantly.

The red-haired roller coaster operator stopped them in a monotone voice. "Please stand by that sign."

Phineas saw the wooden stand-up of a silly little cartoon Greek god in a toga, holding out a hand palm down next to his shoulder. A speech bubble originating from his mouth read, "Must be this tall to ride."

Phineas stood by the sign, feeling a bit humiliated.

"Sorry, kid. You're too short," the operator said apathetically.

"Um… Okay," Phineas said, walking away slowly from the sign.

He surveyed the territory before him. He couldn't be too short for _every _ride. After all, this was an amusement park, and he was here to be amused.

"Why don't we find one that you aren't too small for, Sport?" Wilson suggested.

Phineas agreed, hoping that there was a great one that he was tall enough for. _And I'm not THAT small._

Wilson and Phineas strolled down the pavement pathway, looking for a rollercoaster that Phineas wouldn't be too short for. "Hey, what about that one?" Wilson said, pointing to another sign.

The sign was a shimmering gold, and bright, little light bulbs spelled out "Oracle of Daphne".

"Okay," Phineas said, already making his way to the end of the line.

On the ride, Phineas found himself sitting calmly in a little bowl-shaped set of seats, rotating on a turning platform. In retrospect, he should have seen the lack of safety restraints and anticipated slowness. To add to the ride being very boring, Phineas looked into the next bowl over and saw a young mother and father, with a tiny baby sitting between them. The mother held the baby's wrist and assisted the baby in waving to Phineas. As cute as that was, it was very undermining. This was just not his kind of ride.

Upon exiting the ride, Wilson turned to Phineas. "How was _that_ for exciting?"

Phineas looked up at Wilson and tried to smile. It was more like he just showed him his bottom teeth, though.

"I know, it stunk." Wilson said. "I have an idea, though. I am going to take you to my favorite ride in this entire park!" Wilson continued in explaining the various twists, drops, and loops the rollercoaster did.

Phineas followed Wilson to this exquisite ride, crossing his fingers that he would be tall enough.

As they got to the front of the line, the curly-haired brunette operating the roller coaster said with a thick southern accent, "Could you stand by that sign?"

The same Greek god poster stood, mocking Phineas with its downturned hand that hovered a few inches over the top of his triangular head.

"You're too short," she said, cocking her head and smiling.

Phineas stood on tiptoe to get his chin to the level of the control podium the woman stood at. "Are you familiar with 'the coolest coaster ever' that was built in western Danville?"

The woman rested her cheek on her hand. She had no idea what he was talking about, but decided to play along. "Vaguely."

"Well, my brother and I built that with our bare hands, and it was at _least_ five times as big as this thing! I rode on _it_ just fine."

"How do you know that this roller coaster has all the safety features yours had?"

Phineas stared at her for a brief moment. "I'm only ten years old. The great majority of that thing was held together with _peanut butter_."

"Aren't you precious," the woman said to herself (but Phineas could still hear her) "Sorry, but you're just too short for this one." She reached over the counter and patted his head (actually, it was his forehead, due to… wait, we've discussed this before).

Wilson knelt down so he was at eye level with Phineas, who had gotten off of his toes and was standing normally once again. "Mind if I go on this one solo?"

Phineas shrugged. "Sure."

Wilson stood up and began to walk away. "The bumper cars are right over there," he said, pointing, "I'll meet you there when this is over."

Phineas watched Wilson walk to the line of roller coaster cars and step into the front. He sighed, and then walked across the way to the bumper cars. He got in line, and soon found himself getting securely strapped into place in a small, red car.

The man who buckled him up had a huge, unnaturally white smile. "Don't want a cute little guy like you to come flying out of this thing," he said, tightening the seatbelt as tight as it could possibly go without completely cutting off the circulation to his major limbs. "They made sure you were tall enough for this one, right?" he said with a chuckle.

"I'm tall enough for _bumper cars._" Phineas replied, folding his arms across his chest.

"Careful of those big kids out there. They like to bump ya really hard," the man said, chuckling again.

The entire time the bumper cars were going, Phineas sat in one place, eyelids slightly relaxed and staring at the little padded steering wheel. Occasionally someone would ram into the side or back of his car, but he never tried to ram anyone back. _'Cute little guy', 'Made sure you weren't too short, right?', 'Careful of the big kids'. _Phineas rewound and replayed all the things the man had said when he was being buckled in. "I am ten years old! I can handle stinking bumper cars!" He called. It was inaudible, for he had yelled just under the roar of the rumbling cars and squealing children. It felt good to have it out of his system, though.

After the cars had all been turned off, the man with the weird smile started to make his way over to Phineas to unbuckle his uncomplicated seatbelt for him. Phineas quickly pushed the button, proving to the man that he could do it himself.

Despite his best efforts to seem mature, Phineas still found himself being lifted out of the car and set gently on the ground. "I think your daddy's right over there," the man said, pointing to Wilson.

Phineas sort of wished that he didn't look _so _much like Wilson. He was the only man there who could possibly have been Phineas' father. He did have the pointed nose and the shocking, blue eyes.

Wilson and Phineas walked, once again, together down the path. The sign for a ride called "Poseidon's Trident" pulsed green and blue waves of light through its complicated font. "Let's try this one," Wilson said, leading Phineas to the line.

A tall operator looked at Phineas. "Would you mind standing next to that sign?"

Phineas looked at the same dumb sign. He could have sworn its smile was broadening every time he had to stand by it. Almost one-hundred percent sure that he would be too short, he stood by the sign and looked down at his shoes.

"Oh. Well, looks like you're good to go," the operator told him.

Phineas jumped away from the sign, looking at it once again. Then he grinned. _Ha! In your face!_ He playfully punched it in the chest.

Phineas couldn't help but skip to the front car of the coaster. He climbed up into the top seat and reached up to pull down the giant, vest-like restraint. His feet were left dangling several inches over the ground. He kicked his feet alternating forward and back in anticipation.

A male voice came out over a speaker. "Please remain seated-"

"_Permanecer sentados, por favor,"_ Phineas said in synchronization to the automated voice.

The hanging cars began to move forward. It turned ninety degrees and started its ascent to the beginning of the first drop.


	8. My Hat!

**Chapter 8: My hat!**

~Meanwhile~

"Okay, Perry the Platypus, we are inside now."

Perry tapped his acknowledgment.

"Perry? Perry the Platypus? You can do your ninja-ing now."

Perry sighed. He wasn't just going to burst in when at least ten evil scientists were certainly going to notice him.

"Perry? Oh, I get it. You want to be discreet."

Perry sighed. Dr. D just had to yell out to the world that he was nearby. But then, maybe Doofenshmirtz had such a horrible laugh, that none of the other scientist would socialize with him. What a sad little man.

"Well, I'm about to duck under this punch table, I'm sorry sir, now, so get ready to burst out of your hiding spot, excuse me, Mr. Ready Perry?"

"Hey, are you Dr. Doofenshmirtz?"

This second voice certainly did not belong to his nemesis. He couldn't see very well through the dim canvas walls, but he was sure that Doof was no wear near the punch table.

"Hi, I'm Wendell Tolshman, and I am your number one fan!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sounded surprised.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Wendell, but I really have to go."

"Can I please just have your autograph? It would just take a second!"

"Well as long as its short..."

Oh, Dr. D. Perry face palmed. This would take a while.

"Okay, Wendell, I signed your napkin. I have to go now."

"Just one more thing…"

That was the fifth time Wendell had brought up the "one more thing", and Perry was getting twitchy. Finally, a distraction from Wendell, came in the form of another evil scientist.

"Hey Heinz, nice hat."

"Oh, hello Frank. How is your new invention going?"

"Oh great. How is your laugh going? I heard that you said you had improved it."

"Oh, yes, Frank."

"Are you ready to lose the laugh contest , Heinz?"

"Oh, you are thinking of my reputation? Well, I've got a surprise this time!"

"Oh, really. Well we have a surprise for you to."

"You do? Considering we are at an evil scientist convention, that doesn't sound too good."

"It shouldn't. You know how we have drawing at the beginning of the convention? Of who gets to be the Unfortunate Deceived each year?"

"Yeah, but I was late, like I said before. How am I supposed to know who the poor sucker is?"

"Heh heh heh."

"Frank, your scaring me."

"Don't worry Heinz, you'll only be humiliated for a second."

"Wait, I'M the Unfortunate Deceived this year? I don't have time…"

There was a loud whooshing sound, and an obnoxious voice that yelled: "GOT YOUR BONNET!" And shocked exclamation from Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who fell over, yelling, "MY HAT!" And that is how Dr. Doofenshmirtz came to be surrounded by a committee of diabolical villains, next to a giant, dollar store canvas sombrero, with a dark turquoise platypus seated on his head. Let us draw the curtain of charity over this scene.

~Later~

"You know, in retrospect, this would have never worked, Perry the Platypus. I mean, all that was covering my Inator was cheap sheet. The other villains were bound to notice it sometime!"

Perry's glare was obscured by the shame hat that kept slipping over his eyes for the Dr.'s own good. Doofenshmirtz had to adjust his own cap of shame, so he could continue his one sided conversation with his nemesis.

"To bad the other scientists demolished MY INSANELY CUTE LAUGHINATOR! "

Perry folded his arms and leaned so far back on his stool of dishonor, that he almost fell off.

"Well, I'll have to create scheme to take over the TRISTATE AREA some other time."

Perry nodded, nearly knocking of the shame hat, which had a clearly printed "DUNCE" stencil across it, and he chattered at a few Jr. Villains who were staring at the two archenemies. An older evil genius stopped by the humiliated duo. He stared for a minute, and extended his pointer finger whilst yelling "HA HA!" And walked on. The nemeses exchanged glances.

"Yeah, yeah, Perry the Platypus, I'll be glad when this is over, too."


	9. Something's Amiss

**Sorry this one took so long, peeps. I uh... heh heh. Got grounded... But it won't happen again! :) If someone gives a review asking for the next chapter, I'll do it the instant I see it. Just 'cause this one came so late. XD**

**Chapter 9: Something's Amiss**

Wilson helped a dizzy Phineas get out of the big seat. The coaster had sent all of his vital organs up into his head, (or at least, if felt that way) and it made his head seem quite heavy. Wilson helped Phineas keep his balance by holding on to his forearm. On several occasions (just on the way out the exit) Phineas ended up being dragged a few feet by his arm due to his legs being like spaghetti noodles, and his head feeling like it weighed as much as the rest of his body plus some.

"You doing okay there, Sport?" Wilson cautiously let Phineas' arm go.

"That was AWESOME!" Phineas enthusiastically threw a fist up in the air. Then he instantly fell backwards. He got himself up (somewhat shakily), and smiled.

"Do you want to find another great ride?"

Phineas leaned on some nearby railing next to another line to avoid falling again. "Maybe later."

Wilson let out a hearty laugh.

So Phineas found out that the trick to gaining that extra inch or so was to tilt his head forward. The pair went on a few more rides (that Phineas was *this* much too short for, ha, ha, ha). They also went on a few more of the slower rides, including a haunted house (not a creepy, disturbing, one; a fun one. Like at Disneyland), a boat ride kind of thing that went around the circumference of the park, and a circular ride (it was like a merry-go-round, but five times faster). They also went on "Oracle of Daphne" again, just for kicks. By the time they had finished the third great rollercoaster Phineas had been in all day, both felt like their brains were twisted up inside their three-sided skulls. Phineas agreed when Wilson suggested they go home.

_Maybe Wilson isn't so bad, after all._ Phineas was beginning to trust him.

They ate a quick dinner (TV Dinners, both were too tired to cook anything), and headed off to their beds. Phineas, again, thought that the whole day would have been even more fun if Ferb had been there. He went to Wilson. "Mind if I use the phone again?"

"Go ahead, Sport. You know where it is," Wilson said. He was pulling out his cell phone, hoping to make his own call to someone.

Phineas walked into the other room and grabbed the phone. After taking it back into the guest room, he dialed his home number.

"Hello?" It was Mom.

"Hey, Mom," Phineas said. He couldn't help but start feeling a bit homesick. The day was fun, but… there was no place like home

Mom's voice said distantly, "Ferb, it's Phineas!"

Within a few seconds, the phone was picked back up. "Hello?"

"Ferb! It's great to hear you, bro."

"Same here."

"I went to an amusement park with Wilson today. It was fun," his voice got softer on the word "fun". It had been pretty great, but now that Phineas was back at Wilson's house, something felt off.

"Oh," Ferb said. Phineas knew his brother, and some tone in Ferb's voice suggested that something funny had happened.

"What?"

"Isabella came by today looking for you."

Phineas didn't respond. _Isabella? _He hadn't really thought about her much. He was a little busy thinking about Ferb and Lawrence, and how much he missed them, and how weird it was to find his biological father.

"Yup."

Phineas thought maybe something more happened, but he suddenly felt very alone again. Something really didn't feel right.

"I think she misses you, now that she knows you're gone," Ferb said.

"Tell her I miss her back, then. But Ferb, I think I ought to go."

"I will," Ferb said. He knew his brother, as well. Something was going on at that house, and though neither of the boys knew what it was, it seemed like an urgent manner.

The two exchanged brotherly 'I love you's and hung up.

Phineas, knowing for certain that something really was horribly wrong, silently crept down the small hallway and put the phone back.

On his way back, Phineas couldn't help but overhear what Wilson said on his phone call.

"Yeah, Marion… He's a pretty good kid. … See, that's the thing. I just don't want to deal with _babies_ after we're married. Kids, I'm okay with. My plan was to just get Phineas and Candace to like me, even after all these years and- … Yeah, yeah. Take partial custody of the two. … No, I actually took him to Zeus' today. … Oh, no. I'm not a huge fan of roller coasters. That _one_ is okay, though. … Yeah, he was. Too short for it. … I hope he likes me enough… yeah, I'm thinking I'll ask him tomorrow, though. … Yeah, I love you, too. G'night."

Phineas heard the quiet click as Wilson snapped his phone shut. "I don't even want _kids! _Not sure if I really ever did. She wants 'em. Only partial custody, it won't be too bad," Wilson muttered to himself.

_That's what was wrong!_ Phineas suddenly felt very ill. Wilson didn't even want him. It was all for _Marion! _Phineas went back into his room. _I can't believe I almost fell for it! I actually thought that I might start to trust him! _He felt a twinge of guilt for eavesdropping, but he was glad that he knew the truth now. No wonder Mom divorced Wilson. Mom genuinely loved her kids, and Wilson didn't even want any to begin with. Phineas understood everything.

With a sour taste in his mouth and a knot in his stomach, Phineas fell asleep.

**Poor Phineas! T-T And stupid Wilson. I hate that guy. DX Don't worry, though. We're getting close to the end of this little "vacation". :)**


	10. Playing Catch

**Hoo, hoo! Go, Phineas, go! Go, Phineas! X3**

**Chapter 10**

The next morning, Ferb awoke with Perry under his arm. Ferb hugged the platypus, and looked at the empty inflatable raft that was Phineas' bed. It wouldn't be empty tomorrow, though.

Ferb got dressed and carried Perry downstairs. He ate a bowl of cereal, then went to the same spot on the couch that he had been defaulting to these past two days. A huge pile of read books sat on the coffee table. Ferb went to the bookshelf and pulled out the Flynn-Fletchers' copy of _Useless Shoelace Facts: Volume Eight_. They had purchased one shortly after the whole day of aglet awareness. It made sense at the time to only get number eight… Ferb sat back down on the couch and opened up to the first page. He could hardly wait for Phineas' return.

~meanwhile at Wilson's house~

After a lovely breakfast of pancakes (made by the toaster), Phineas went back to the guest room and got up on the bed. He closed his eyes. He still felt awful, even after a whole night of sleep. He knew there was a good reason for Mom to not be with Wilson. All along, he knew.

"Hey, Sport!" Wilson burst in with a huge grin on his face. He was such a good _liar._

"Hey, Wilson," Phineas mumbled.

"Want to go play some catch out back?" Wilson said, wrapping an arm around Phineas.

"Sure," Phineas said, trying to swallow despite how tight his throat felt.

Wilson led Phineas into the back yard. A wide yard full of thick, green grass sat, surrounded with a very handsome wooden fence. A lot like the one back in Phineas' own backyard. He felt more homesick then he had the first day. He wanted so much to go home to parents who actually loved him.

Wilson handed Phineas a small, leather baseball glove. He slipped a larger version of the same thing onto his own hand.

"Ready, there Sport?" Wilson called to Phineas, who was now standing on the other side of the yard.

"Yeah," Phineas called. His voice squeaked a little. He was trying so hard not to cry.

Wilson tossed Phineas the ball.

Phineas caught it with ease and threw it back.

"It's a little cliché to be playing catch with a baseball for some bonding time, huh?" Wilson threw the ball back to Phineas.

_Yeah. It would also be cliché if I got a black eye. And you wouldn't even care if I did or not, would you? _Phineas threw the ball again.

"Who did your Mom end up marrying, anyway?" Wilson tossed the ball.

"My Dad," Phineas said, tossing the ball back.

"Your stepdad. What's his name?" The ball was sent back to Phineas.

"Lawrence," Phineas returned the ball to Wilson.

"Ah. Does ol' Larry ever play ball with you, Sport?" Wilson threw the ball again.

"Well, no." Phineas threw it back.

"Does he take you fishing?" Wilson performed a perfect pitch, like a professional baseball player does.

Phineas jumped to catch the ball. "Not recently." He didn't really like where this conversation was going.

"Does he do _anything_ with you?" Wilson caught the ball that Phineas had pitched back, and tossed it underhand once again.

Phineas caught the ball and stood with it in his mit. "Yes, he does. Earlier this summer, he helped Ferb and I make a giant monster truck rally in the back yard!"

Wilson shrugged and called "Yeah, sorry. I have a hard time believing that. Now toss it back!"

Phineas dropped the ball. "Dad does lots of stuff with me! He's just been busy lately, I guess."

"Busy selling old junk at the antique store?"

If Wilson was trying to joke about it, it wasn't funny at all. "He doesn't sell _junk_, Wilson!"

Wilson walked over and picked up the baseball, which Phineas had almost forgotten about entirely. He looked down at Phineas. "Why can't you just call me 'dad'?"

Phineas blinked back the tears that were fighting hard to escape. "Why can't you just call me 'Phineas'?" He said so loudly that it was almost a shout.

Wilson took a step back.

Both looked at each other for a few seconds, but it felt like hours.

Phineas took the baseball glove off and handed it to Wilson just before running into the house. He jumped up onto the bed, not even bothering to close the bedroom door behind him. Finally, he let himself cry. He missed Ferb, he missed Candace, and he missed his loving parents. Wilson really wasn't his dad. Phineas might have been born to him, but Wilson was no father of his.

A real dad loved his son. Lawrence really was his real dad, because he loved Phineas. With a wonderful honest-to-goodness fatherly love. And Ferb was his brother. Phineas and Ferb loved each other with no end. They were _real brothers_.

Wilson stepped in the back door. He assumed Phineas had gone back to his bed, but even if he went in to talk, he wouldn't get anything out of him.

He kept thinking about what Phineas had said. _Why can't you just call me 'Phineas'? _First of all, Wilson didn't want to have to swallow his pride to start calling him "Phineas" after he had gotten used to calling him "Sport". Didn't all great dads call their sons "Sport"? Second, that boy wasn't Phineas. Phineas was a little baby; wrapped in the unoccupied arm of a five-year-old sister (the occupied one had that silly little bear, Mr. Miggins). Both children were sitting on the floor, crying. Phineas was that little tyke crying on the floor. Phineas was that tiny kid that Wilson would never have to see or remember again. That was the night that he left, about ten years ago.

Wilson hadn't really regretted leaving when he did. To be honest, he still didn't really regret it. He never really wanted kids. Marion wanted kids, though. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to bring Phineas back into his life. Maybe it would have been better to leave him forgotten.

Either way, Wilson wanted to have a wife around, and Marion seemed to fit the bill. _Partial custody,_ Wilson repeated over and over in his head. _Partial custody._

Phineas came out of the guest room, wiping the tears from his red cheeks.

"Hey, Sport."

Phineas looked at Wilson. He looked away and wiped his eyes again. "Hey, Wilson."

"Look, Sport… I hope you can think of me as your dad."

Phineas knew what he wanted to say ("No! You can't even think of me as your son!"), but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"I was planning on asking your mom if I could have you over every weekend. Is that okay?"

_Every weekend? _"I couldn't be away from Ferb that much."

"Who's Ferb?"

"My brother!"

"Stepbrother, you mean? Please tell me that you don't think I meant what I said outside."

"I don't think you did. I _know _you did."

"What?"

Phineas folded his arms over his stomach, which was hurting intensely now. "I heard what you said last night."

Wilson remained sitting on the couch and stared wide-eyed at Phineas.

"You don't have to explain anything. I get it now," Phineas said, turning to head back into the room.

Wilson called after him. "Are you getting your stuff together, Sp-" he stopped himself from finishing.

After a short pause, Phineas called back, "If you're taking me home, then yes. If you're not, I'm just lying on the bed waiting until it's time."

Wilson was ready to take Phineas home. "Gather our stuff up, then. I'll be in the car."

Phineas gathered his things and stepped outside. Wilson's cherry-red car sat idling in the driveway. Phineas walked down the flower-lined pathway and got into the back seat. He was finally going home.

**Home again, home again, jiggidy-jig. :)**


	11. Home Sweet Home

**Last chapter! I won't be posting anything over Christmas break, but I'll be back soon! Happy Holidays! :D**

**Chapter 11**

Wilson pulled up in front of Phineas' house. "Last stop. Everybody off," Wilson said.

Phineas got out of the car and went to Wilson's rolled down window. "Sorry about Marion," he said quietly.

Wilson rolled up the window and gave a single nod to Phineas. He drove off. He was sort of glad that he wouldn't have to worry about Phineas.

Phineas felt free. He was home again. He was back with his family once again. "Ferb!" He shouted, and ran to the front door.

Ferb tossed the door open. Phineas smiled and pulled Ferb into a tight hug.

The boys stood in the doorway, locked together as brothers.

Mom came to the door. "Phineas, you're home!" She knelt and hugged both boys at once.

Phineas let go of Ferb with one arm and wrapped it tightly around his mother's shoulders. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Hon," Mom kissed the top of his head (I mean, forehead).

Lawrence walked in from the kitchen. "Is he back?"

"Dad!" Phineas ran to Lawrence and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Phineas."

Phineas smiled a truly contented smile. _That's more like it._

**THE END**

**Epilogue**

As it turns out, Wilson and Marion did get married. The Flynn-Fletchers never found out how or why, but really, it didn't matter too much.

The last time any of the Flynn-Fletchers heard from Wilson was when they got the wedding invitation. Wilson didn't _really_ want them to come, but it was polite to send the invite, he supposed. They ended up not going, to everyone's relief.

The day after Phineas' return, the boys went outside and… you guessed it! Played catch with their dad.

Through this whole adventure, Phineas and Ferb gained a new love for each other, their parents, and even Candace. But they also had one new fear: that they would find Ferb's biological mother.

**Authors' Note: **

**Friends For Food:** The thing with other fanfictions we've read about Phineas finding his dad is that they make him too likable. Mom divorcing such a nice guy makes Mom the bad guy. We said, "Oh, no. We've gotta make the biological father the bad guy." And man, oh, man. We did such a good job of making an unlikable biological dad. I don't know about you, but I totally hate him. What a scumbag!

**Shanar: **So… you might have a few questions… first, why was Wilson, a single guy, living in such a nice, big, clean house with a SPORTS CAR? Well, maybe he is a Doctor or a lawyer or something, and he is going through a midlife crisis.

**Friends For Food: **Liars go to law school. Just kidding. :D

**Shanar: **Now, we do realize that a real mom wouldn't let her son go to the ex's house after she divorced him for being a kid-hater in the first place, and after almost ten years. But, it had to happen for the story to happen. Mom is still great. :)

**Friends For Food: **It's called "willing suspension of disbelief", peeps. X3

**Shanar: **Well, we really wanted to dislike Wilson. A lot. But, in Linda's defense, we didn't want him to seem like the spawn of all evil deities. So, we just made him oblivious, and a sneaky jerk. Enough said.

**Friends For Food: **I know a question you might have! Why did he want Marion around so badly that he would lie about wanting kids? Answer: He's a liar, duh. And, didn't you notice that Marion was cleaning when Phineas comes in? Do you think a big jerk who's going through a midlife crisis is going to keep that midlife crisis household clean? No, no you don't. Plus, Marion is kind of cute.

**Both authors: **Oh, and that one day Isabella came over… Isabella had come over that one day and walked into the back yard looking for Phineas. Ferb had casually looked out the glass door leading to the back yard, and saw her standing there. She mouthed, "Where is Phineas?"

Ferb shrugged.

Mouthing again, "Are you sure?"

Ferb nodded.

Isabella blushed, turned, and left.

Ferb knew that Isabella liked Phineas (duh, it was really obvious), but he wanted to let Phineas find out for himself, not only that she liked him, but that he liked her, too. He didn't really seem to get it. Yet. When he got the call from Phineas that evening, he was almost expecting for it to finally click in Phineas' brain, but (not surprisingly) it didn't. Ferb is still waiting patiently for that moment to come.

**Friends For Food: **The little "ice cream pebbles" were Dippin' Dots. We didn't want to have a disclaimer right in the middle of the story. But here it is now: Dippin' Dots is a copyrighted thingy. We didn't make it up.

**Shanar: **We also do not own: Ratatouille (the Pixar movie, I actually have some ratatouille in my refrigerator) or the _Adventures of Tom Sawyer _which are both referenced in this story. Brownie points to whoever catches them both.

**Friends For Food: **We love when Phineas and Ferb are loving each other as brothers, and when they love their parents. We really emphasized that. In case you didn't notice. :D

**Shanar:** Here is some useless trivia: We almost had Wilson take Phineas to the Cheesecake Factory. Here's the sample:

Wilson: Hey sport, do you want to go the cheesecake factory?

Phineas: YES!

Could you tell we were kind of hungry?

**Friends For Food:** And running out of ideas? In the place of that, Wilson asked Phineas if he wanted to help him scrub the floor with possum skins… Yeah… It's called writer's block. In place of the possum skins, Wilson took Phineas to the amusement park.

**Shanar:** And you may be wondering why Perry and his story did not affect Wilson and Phineas in any way. Well, we wanted to include Perry, and uphold the tradition, but it was late, and, because we are clearly not professional, we didn't take the time to plan out an intersection of the two stories.

**Friends For Food: **We were going to, but… Well, Perry was going to somehow inconspicuously save Phineas' life, but we really wanted the conflict to be between Phineas and Wilson alone.

**Shanar: **You may be calling us hypocrites by including very little Ferb sections, but hear us out. Ferb's character is difficult because, well, he doesn't talk much. All we can write about (if we want to be realistic) is how he reacts with other people's dialog. We love Ferb, don't get us wrong.

**Friends For Food: **And Ferb was reading the whole time. Do you want us to describe the silence of the living room? Ah, I can see it now: "Ferb sat in the living room, just about to open the cover of his third book that day. All one could hear upon walking into the room was the _tick tock tick tock tick tock_ of the Grandfather Clock in the corner next to the bookshelf, and Perry's slow breathing." Intriguing, isn't it? -_- (Not.) We love Ferb, but we might as well describe what Ferb looked like taking a nap. That would be cute, but… How about we describe _you_ taking a nap, "Mr. High Expectations"!

**Both Authors: **Well, thanks for reading the longest author(ess)'s note ever!


End file.
